I keep meaning to post entries more often but that rarely seems to happen. So, I’m going to try an experiment. A bulleted list of down, ups, cute Calvin moments, and simplification. I’m listing downs before ups because I believe everything should have a happy ending. Regarding the simplification, I’ve become increasingly annoyed at the amount of stuff I have. One of my new goals — not a New Year’s resolution, the timing is just coincidental — is to consign one thing to give away/discard everyday. Or, alternatively, implement some sort of time-saving scheme.

Downs

• Didn’t get a chance to exercise today
• House is still disorganized from vacation
• The cats, probably mostly 5, vomited over huge swaths of the carpet while we were away

Ups

• Calvin slept in till 7. That’s about perfect because he didn’t go to bed till after 12 so I needed to sleep later but it also wasn’t so late that it threw off his nap schedule.
• I was able to take a short nap while Calvin napped. Normally I’d be exercising during this time but I felt sleep was more important given the previous night.
• We’re back to a normal schedule. I really like routines so even though I greatly enjoyed vacation and took the opportunity to catch up on my sleep, it feels good to be back home.
• Calvin was in a relatively good mood today.

Cute Calvin Moment

• After I brought him home from daycare, we were playing with some of his new toys. I was rolling a truck around and made a “VROOM VROOM” noise. Calvin looked startled for a moment and then started laughing. For several minutes, every time I VROOMED, Calvin giggled. Naturally, this wore off before Jaeger came home. Calvin doesn’t laugh very much which is why this is noteworthy. He smiles a lot but seems to only laugh the first time he encounters something new and amusing.

Simplification

• For Christmas, I received a set of measuring cups. I just needed 1/4 cup but they don’t sell 1/4 cups by themselves. This meant I had 2 full sets of measuring cups and 2 partial sets of measuring cups. Since I cook a lot, it is useful to have more than one set but the partial sets didn’t seem very useful. So, I consigned all except the 2 full sets of measuring cups to the thrift store bin.
• My favorite large silicone spoon died recently and Jaeger finally convinced me to get rid of it. Also, my pancake flipper had a bubble in the plastic which made flipping pancakes a bit of an art. I requested replacements on my Christmas list. Mom gave me a very nice set of silicone kitchen utensils but it duplicated some that I had bought in college. Her utensils are a higher quality so I weeded the others out and put them in the thrift store bin also.

Calvin use to sleep through the night until waking up sometime between 6-7am. However, ever since daylight savings time changed, Calvin has been waking up multiple times a night, usually between 3-4am, without being able to put himself back to sleep. I have multiple theories about why this could be happening.

My first thought was that the switch from daylight savings messed up his internal schedule and that he would eventually readjust. However, it’s been multiple weeks now and I think he might be getting worst. He was also teething at the time so I thought he might be waking up because his mouth hurt. However, Tylenol didn’t seem to be particularly effective. My next theory was that he was hungry. Calvin still has trouble eating solid food so I thought maybe he wasn’t getting enough calories via formula and needed a “midnight” snack. Thus, I gave in and fed him when he woke up if he didn’t go back to sleep within 10-30 minutes.

Feeding Calvin after he wakes up usually does make him go back to sleep. However, he has started decreasing the amount of food he’ll eat during the day. I’m worried that he’s swapping his schedule to lean towards eating at night instead of the day. So, for the next couple of days I going to try not feeding him at night (though I might start with reducing the amount I’ll give him). I’m really worried this will result in hours of crying. However, the advantage of trying this now is Jaeger won’t be working so can take him in the morning while I catch up on sleep.

I’m really worried about this plan. I believe the “cry-it-out” approach is appropriate for some children but I don’t feel it is for Calvin. That is, I will let him cry for up to 1/2 hr but after that I’m uncomfortable leaving him to scream. Instead of winding down, he seems to get shriller and shriller with his screaming. So, I’m not sure what I’m going to do instead of feeding him. One of the reasons the “he’s hungry” thought was so appealing was the ease with which he usually goes back to sleep after eating.

Stay tuned to see how it turns out. I have a feeling I will be tweeting in the middle of the night. After all, what use is a sleepless night if I can’t complain about it to the world?

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In other news, this Thanksgiving will be the first Thanksgiving away from family (either mine or Jaeger’s). Jaeger and I decided we didn’t want the expense or the inconvenience of trying to drag Calvin to Washington two months in a row. So, we’ll be having our own mini-Thanksgiving celebration at home tomorrow. Our menu consists of Apricot-Orange Gel (a Logan tradition), lightly steamed Asparagus, Roasted Fingerling Potatoes with Garlic and Herbs, Baked Brie with Cranberries in Puff Pastry (an experiment), and Pumpkin Pie with real whipped cream.

Due to the complexity of both Jaeger and I eating while Calvin is awake, we’re going to schedule Thanksgiving dinner after he goes to bed. We’re probably also going to video conference with the Stone relatives either before or after the Thanksgiving meal at my parents’ house.

Today I attended my first ever parent/caregiver conference. Last week I noticed a sign up sheet on the infant room door for parents to sign up for a slot to discuss their child. Wanting to be an involved parent, I dutifully added my name to the roster. Once I got home, I queried Jaeger to see if he would also be interested in attending. Like me, Jaeger wasn’t sure what would be covered in such a conference and suggest I go and give him an executive summary.

My appointment was scheduled for 9:00am today. Calvin woke up around 6:00 this morning so it was time for his first morning nap around 8:00. The only way I can get Calvin to sleep is by putting him in his car seat and taking a walk. Even though he usually only takes 1/2 hr naps, I was worried that we wouldn’t have enough time on the walk before needing to go to daycare. It turns out I was right. I guiltily woke him up at 8:50 and rushed around to get to daycare by 9:00. (There are very few things I will wake Calvin up for. For example, I won’t wake him up to sign into work on time. However, I knew there was another parent signed up after me so I thought I better be on time.)

We entered the infant classroom and were cheerily greeted by the staff members. I put his bottles into his cubby and then Miss B led me off to the conference room to talk. Calvin seemed in a pretty good mood so we brought him with us. Miss B had a notebook that apparently is Calvin’s daycare “portfolio.” She showed me pictures they had taken of him at various times in the last couple months (including 2 of him sleeping!). Apparently the daycare also writes dated notes on stickers of various “firsts” they observe in Calvin. For instance, they noticed he started trying to sit up in August.

Next up was a review of Calvin’s “art projects.” She told me they needed to keep one for his daycare portfolio but I was welcome to take all the others that I wanted. I felt like a less-than-appreciative parent when I only chose one that consisted of his footprints in various colors of paint. (At what point is an art project truly Calvin’s work? I’m not sure putting paint on paper and letting him ecstatically smear it counts. At least the footprints give a pretty good representation of his foot size.)

The daycare also has what they call a “Curriculum Checklist” to see how the child is doing developmentally. It’s a pretty extensive checklist with multiple subcategories under language arts, sensory stimulation, cognitive development, creative art, motor skills, music/movement, and self-Help/life skills. Each subcategory is given one of three letters: A, S, and N. A means the child demonstrates the skill whenever it is appropriate, S means sometimes, and N means not observed. Calvin falls under the “infant II” checklist. However, Miss B informed me that Calvin just moved into the Infant II category so it wasn’t surprising that a lot of the categories were marked with Ns. At the end of the checklist is room for additional comments where they talk about specific skills he has developed (“Calvin really enjoys arts & sensory activities!”) as well as skills they are still working on (“We are working with him on crawling”). Miss B went on to assure me that Calvin appeared to be progressing perfectly normally and she expected that he would be ready to enter the next room when he turns one. (Based on this it seems like “graduating” to the next room is a combination of both age and skills.)

Overall, I found the conference to be fascinating. On one hand, it made me feel like they really are paying close attention to Calvin. On the other hand, I wonder if grading his development at this early age might be a bad habit. I know that if I’m not careful, I’ll fall into the category of overachieving parents that try to mold their children into perfect geniuses.

I belatedly realized that my last post didn’t include any topics outside of Calvin. While most of my world does currently revolve around Calvin, I’m starting to have more of a life than I did a couple of months ago.

I use to be a rabid exerciser. I got up faithfully at 5:30 each morning to give me time to exercise before leaving for work. Since having Calvin, I don’t drag myself out of bed until he wakes up. As a result, my exercise routine mainly consists of taking Calvin on walks 3-4 times a week. However, since we started putting Calvin to bed earlier, I’ve started doing about 15 minutes of my favorite abs video. I couldn’t believe how out of shape I’d become. I’m still out of shape but am slowly working on containing my postpartum belly.

Due to lack of exercise and a lack of careful eating, I haven’t lost my pregnancy weight yet. About a month ago I went down to 140 (10 lbs from pre-pregnancy) but I’ve gained 2 lbs back. This is probably because I’ve finally figured out a way to eat supper around Calvin’s evening routine. I know I should work on losing the last 10 lbs but I’m finding it hard to make it a priority.

Around August, I managed to give my wrist a repetitive stress injury due to carrying Calvin around too much one day. I keep hoping if I ignore it it’ll go away but so far that hasn’t worked. It doesn’t interfere at all with my typing and only moderately with piano playing but it is annoying when I try to pick Calvin up. I should probably go get it checked out but that would take time I don’t want to spend and they’d probably tell me that I need to stop using it and let it heal which isn’t very practical.

In somewhat related news, I’m scheduled to play for church next week. This will be the first time I’ve played since January. I’ve been practicing each day before I pick Calvin up from daycare. I use to slack off until the week before I was scheduled to play and then frantically practice to make up for my laziness. I’d also go into church really early to grab the church piano for practicing the day I was scheduled to play. That was useful because the church was a very different feel than my piano. However, with Calvin that won’t be very practical. Another church member has agreed to watch him during the service and I guess I use prelude as my warmup time

I’ve been reading a fair amount after Calvin goes to bed for the night. I just finished Fledgling by Sharon Lee and Steve Miller and Tempt Me at Twilight by Lisa Kleypas. I enjoyed both books immensely. For non-fiction, I’m reading Einstein Never Used Flash Cards. It’s all about how we’re too focused on making forging our children into genisuses at the experience of playtime which is when real development occurs. I strongly suspect I have a tendency toward trying to be an overachiever so this is a good book to help me keep perspective.

A couple of weeks ago, Jaeger pointed me toward a new parenting website called moms4mom. It allows parents to ask questions and other parents to post answers. The most popular answers appear at the top of the list so you don’t have to wade through a lot of junk like some other sites. Also, participants acquire “reputation” when their answers or questions receive positive votes. It’s a pretty new site but so far I’m impressed by the lack of spam. I haven’t asked any questions yet but I’m sure I will sometime in the next couple of months.

In a brief Calvin related tidbit, he may be getting sick. For the last couple of days he’s thrown up and had diahrea at daycare. Today, he is refusing to eat. We’re not sure if he’s coming down with something or this is just a result of teething. Jaeger’s probably headed to San Diego next week so I suspect Calvin will get sick to add some excitement to life.

Calvin is in a stage of constant change. True, he’s been changing ever since he’s been born but now he seems more engaged with his environment.

Around September he obtained the ability to entertain himself for multiple minutes at a time. This was a revolutionary breakthrough Prior to September, I had to give him my undivided attention in order to keep him happy. This made it very difficult to do anything other than take care of Calvin. Now Calvin will sit and shake his rattle or happily play in his activity center for up to 15 minutes at a time.

You may have noticed I mentioned sitting. Calvin can now sit unassisted. However, when he gets excited, he waves his arms wildly and loses his balance. He also can roll from front to back and from back to front. This is a mixed blessing. First, he now rolls onto his stomach in his sleep. Calvin hates being on his stomach. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to be awake enough to know how to roll to his back unassisted so wakes me up crying at odd hours of the night. Second, “tummy time” is pretty much impossible as he immediately rolls himself over to his back as soon as we put him down (now why can’t he do this at night!?).

We’ve also changed Calvin’s sleep cycle. He’s never been a good napper. On a typical day he would take three 30-minute naps. Calvin still usually manages a couple of naps a day but he’s started to drop his afternoon nap completely. One Saturday I tried to insist he nap (when he was obviously tired) and let him cry in his bassinet for more than 30 minutes before relenting. Soon after he started dropping naps, I decided to move his bedtime from 8:00pm to 7:00pm. This appears to work much better. I’ll feed Calvin his last meal around 6:30pm and then transfer him to his bed for the night. He sleeps the full night and usually wakes up around 6:30am, about same time he did when going to bed at 8:00pm.

I usually read to Calvin for about 20 minutes right after his first meal of the day. He has fun grabbing for the board books. Sometimes it appears he is purposefully trying to help me turn the pages (I’ll admit this is unlikely). Right now he particularly likes looking at books with baby faces. Some of his favorites include Where is Baby’s Belly Button, I Love Colors, and Baby Talk.

About a month ago, at 5 1/2 months, I started attempting to feed him solid food. He is not impressed with the concept. We started with the traditional rice cereal. I’m not sure if he just hasn’t lost his tongue thrust reflex yet or is purposefully pushing the food out but either way very little is getting in his stomach. When we had his 6 month visit his pediatrician suggested trying some fruits and vegetables instead. Since then we’ve tried carrots, sweet potato, peas, bananas, and pears without much success. Currently, I view the solid food feeding time as a very messy play time.

Just today I spotted Calvin’s first tooth emerging. It’s just a sliver of white against his gums and very tricky to see. However, I’m sure we’ll have some picutures in a couple of weeks.

This last weekend we hosted Megafest 8.1 at our house. It’s the first fest we’ve attended (and hosted) since Calvin was born. I really had no idea how the fest would work out with Calvin but it turned out to be neither as good nor as bad as I feared.

Calvin’s daycare had an “inservice” day on Friday so I took vacation that day in order to take care of Calvin. I had great plans for the day that included going into Boulder and buying a new pair of tennis shoes, picking up a high chair for Calvin, and swinging by Costco to get more formula. However, the cold that I had been fighting hit me hard and it was pretty much all I could do to appropriately supervise Calvin. I did make it to Target and picked up a high chair for Calvin but that was it. Both Calvin and I went to bed before the festors arrived.

Saturday, Calvin woke me up and we got ready for Sabbath School. In typical fest scheduling, most people were still asleep when we left. Calvin enjoyed Sabbath School and then we headed back home to meet everyone who had arrived the night before. Calvin and I got back just as they were clearing off the table from breakfast. Introductions were made and Calvin had great fun staring at all the new people. Jaeger watched Calvin while I played a game of Puerto Rico with everyone else. Then, Jaeger worked on his Sushi supper while I supervised. I went to bed at my normal time since I had to get up when Calvin got up. However, I was really congested and only got about 3 hours of sleep before Calvin woke me up the next day.

Sunday, Calvin and I had our normal morning routine and then I headed out to pick up some pastries for breakfast. Most of the day is a blur, I recall Calvin being pretty cranky and requiring a fair amount of attention (though I was sleep deprived so it might have been me that was cranky). I did make it to Costco and was able to restock our formula supply.

Monday, Anya was awake by the time Calvin and I were ready for our morning walk so she came with us. Later in the day, Anya and Yanthor went on another walk with Calvin while I made Jaeger a birthday cake. I really liked the cake frosting. It was simple yet decadent consisting of three ingredients: heavy cream, semi-sweet chocolate, and vanilla. Jaeger had agreed to get up with Calvin on Tuesday so I stayed up later than usual and watched a movie.

Tuesday, Jaeger got up and took care of Calvin’s morning routine before taking him to daycare. It was amazing to have the ability to sleep in but I didn’t fully appreciate it as I was having to struggle to breath. We had a quick (for a fest) breakfast and then everyone but Yanthor set off for a hike in Rocky Mountain National Park. I debated until the last minute on whether or not I would go as there was some stuff around the house I needed to do. However, eventually I decided to go. I coughed and sniffled the whole way there but did enjoy the hike. We arrived back home and I worked on getting leftovers ready for supper. At my normal time, I picked Calvin up from daycare. By the time I should have finished supper prep, Calvin was sleeping in my arms so Anya took over and finished everything.

Wednesday was the last day of the fest. Calvin and I went through our morning routine and I took him to daycare after our morning walk. Back home, we played a fairly brief game of Settlers of Catan before the Lincolnites packed up to head back home. The rest of the day I worked on household chores before picking Calvin up from daycare.

I wish I could have played more games at the fest. Jaeger and I realized a bit late that we should have tried to get a babysitter for a couple of hours to allow both of us a chance to play more games. I also wasn’t involved in much of the food prep this time. I feel like I should have done more but supper time is when Calvin is the crankiest and it’s hard to juggle both him and food at the same time.

The first couple of months after Calvin was born I was barely surviving. I’m not yet to thriving but I’m slowly starting to figure out my new “normal” life.

Calvin usually wakes up between 6:00 and 7:30. He always coughs himself awake and then starts babbling to himself. He use to wake up screaming for food but doesn’t do that anymore. Now he wakes up much calmer which gives me time to get up and mix up a bottle. I then go into his room to pick him up, change, and dress him. We then go downstairs where I feed him on the couch.

After his breakfast, I pump for about 20 minutes. While pumping, I put Calvin in a car seat on our sofa (a big no-no but I’m always watching him) and sing songs and read books with him. I’m phasing out my pumping routine so starting tomorrow I’m going to attempt to go down to pumping only once a day. However, even after I stop pumping in the mornings, I’m going to try to keep song/story time right after breakfast.

When we’re finished with pumping/story/songs, it’s time for my breakfast. I lay out a blanket next to our dining room table and put Calvin down on it for some “tummy time.” Calvin doesn’t particularly enjoy tummy time but it’s allegedly good for his development so we subject him to it at least once a day. Usually, he’ll tolerate it long enough for me to get through most of my granola.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I take Calvin into daycare early. This allows me to do stuff around the house such as clean and pay bills. It seems like most mothers I’ve heard about somehow manage to do this while taking care of their baby. However, I haven’t been able to do this with Calvin. He requires almost constant attention and only takes 1/2 hr naps. I’ve tried doing chores while carrying him in the Baby Bjorn but that usually keeps him happy for only about 15 min before he wants a change of scenery.

On Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays we go for a walk after I’ve eaten. The walks provide me with a nominal amount of exercise and, more importantly, get Calvin to take a morning nap. Normally, Calvin won’t take naps unless you force him to by holding him and sticking a pacifier in his mouth as he screams. However, both car rides and stroller walks put him to sleep fairly quickly. After our walk I’ll play with Calvin a little bit more, feed him again, and then get him ready to go to daycare.

I work from 11:30-3:30 every week day. After work, I make dinner before picking Calvin up from daycare. Often Calvin and I will sit under the tree in our front yard until Jaeger comes home. Calvin loves lying outside. He watches the wind move the tree leaves or follows the cars as they drive past our house or looks up at the clouds.

Jaeger gets home around 6:00 and we attempt to eat supper. Recently, we’ve been setting Calvin’s Bumbo seat on the table (another no-no but again we watch him carefully) and let him watch us as we eat. This will keep him happy about half of the time. The other half it’s time for his nap so I have to hold him while he sleeps (I’ve given up trying to transfer him to the bassinet, he always wakes up) and then I’ll eat after he wakes up.

After dinner Calvin might take a nap, or we’ll video conference with one of our mothers, or Calvin might get a bath (we only bath him 1-2 times a week). He gets one more bottle for the night and if he hasn’t fallen asleep already, we put him to bed at 8:00. Jaeger will often put him to bed while I engage in my evening pumping while watching half of a Stargate SG-1 episode (I’m almost to Season 8 ). If I have time after I pump I’ll read for a couple of minutes before going to bed at 9:00.

Thursday nights are a little different as Jaeger often stays in Boulder for either BLUG or Hacking Society. I usually eat leftovers in the fridge and, if Calvin’s schedule allows, will take Calvin for a walk.

Saturdays are Jaeger’s climb-mountains-and-do-useful-things-around-the-house day. Calvin and I leave for Sabbath School around 9:00. Calvin really like Sabbath School. He loves looking at all the children. Until recently, I had to hurry back home after Sabbath School to pump. However, now that I’m not pumping as much I could theoretically stay for church. I stayed for church last week but it was tricky keeping Calvin occupied for that long. For the rest of the afternoon, Calvin and I alternate between nap, food, and playtime.

Sundays Jaeger will attempt to finish any chores he didn’t get done on Saturday and we take a family grocery shopping trip. Sometimes we’ll go to the library on Sunday but they close at 5:00 so it’s often easier to visit them on a weekday night. Occasionally, if we have time, we’ll take a family walk where Jaeger and I chat while Calvin falls asleep in his stroller.

As you can probably tell, I’m feeling much better than I did several months ago. It’s really helped that I’m not pumping as much and can sleep through the night. I’m no longer falling asleep at 7pm anymore

Calvin turned 4 months old yesterday. Since my last entry my life has continued it’s hectic pace. I started to write a long and detailed entry about my life since May but it quickly got out of control. Instead, I offer up bullet points:

May

• I started working 10 hrs a week and Calvin started attending daycare.

June

• Willy, Jaeger’s brother, graduated from college and we took the opportunity to fly out and visit both sets of grandparents
• Jaeger went to San Diego for training and Calvin became ill. I had to take time off work and deal with a sick baby by myself for most of a week. I almost didn’t survive.
• I started working 20 hrs/week

July

• Jaeger’s mom came out and helped for a little over a week. I used the opportunity to do things like catch up on bills and get a badly needed haircut.
• Calvin started rolling over and playing more with toys
• Just this week I’ve started phasing out pumping. I hate the idea of Calvin getting all his nutrition from formula but I need my freedom back. Currently, simple things like going to church have to be carefully planned around my pumping schedule.

I’m sure I’m forgetting stuff that happened but I’ve run out of time.

In case anyone is wondering why I’ve been silent, I actually have a good reason this time. I present my typical day (assume periodic diaper changes throughout):

1:00-1:30 Calvin starts making “hungry” noises in his sleep
1:30-2:00 Calvin wakes up and wants to eat. I bottle feed him changing the diaper midway.
2:00-2:30 I put Calvin in the downstairs bassinet while I pump and and then clean my equipment. Calvin is asleep again.
2:30-4:30 To avoid waking Calvin up, I sleep on the couch.
4:30-5:30 I try to ignore Calvin as he makes hungry noises again
5:30-6:00 I give up and once again feed and change him.
6:00-6:30 I pump
6:30-9:00 I try to sleep some more but Calvin is starting to wake up and escalates his noises.
9:00-9:30 I attempt another breastfeeding session
9:30-10:00 I bottle feed Calvin the rest of his breakfast.
10:00-10:30 I pump. If I’m particularly lucky and Calvin isn’t fussy, I eat breakfast at the same time.
10:30-11:30 I attempt to go out on a walk with Calvin. This is usually successful as Calvin falls asleep while I push his stroller.
11:30-11:40 I dash upstairs with Calvin in hopes I can shower before he wakes up. I’ve always taken quick showers but I’ve recently made it an Olympic sport.
11:40-12:30 Calvin may sleep or he may be fussy until I give in and feed him. If he sleeps, I often use the opportunity to fold his laundry.
12:30-13:00 I try breastfeeding again
13:00-13:30 More bottle feeding
13:30-14:00 More pumping. Calvin is usually awake at this point so pumping while entertaining him can be challenging.
14:00-16:00 Often Calvin sleeps while I attempt to make supper
16:00-16:30 More breastfeeding if I can handle it.
16:30-17:00 Bottle feeding
17:00-17:30 I attempt to pump and pray Calvin won’t start screaming 5 minutes in.
17:30-18:00 I start counting the minutes until Jaeger gets home.
18:00 Jaeger gets home and I thrust Calvin at him so I can finish up supper.
18:00-19:00 We attempt to eat and entertain Calvin at the same time.
19:00-19:30 I often will breastfeed for the last time in the day
19:30-20:00 I pump while Jaeger feeds him. It’s much more relaxing to not have to attempt to entertain Calvin at the same time.
20:00-22:00 Jaeger clean up supper and we alternate trying to get Calvin to stop crying. I usually pump for my last time in the day around 21:30
22:00 I go to bed and hope to sleep till at least 1:30

Disclaimer: Like most of my posts recently, this one may contain details that you really didn’t want to know about me. Read at your own risk In addition, this account may paint a gloomy picture of breastfeeding. It’s my understanding that it’s rarely this tricky for most people so don’t let my story scare you.

Breastfeeding is hard. Many of the women whose birthing stories I heard or read mentioned that they had trouble breastfeeding. Thanks to this, I knew that breastfeeding, while natural, is not necessarily easy. I prepared as much as I thought I could. I read numerous books, attended a La Leche League meeting, and both Jaeger and I attended a breastfeeding class at a hospital. In addition, most hospitals have lactation consultants on staff for new mothers. As a result, while I expected there to be some minor challenges, I thought I had enough resources to figure it out.

At first, everything seemed to go great. While I did have a cesarean, Calvin was breastfeeding within an hour of being “born.” The latch looked great and he loved to suckle. I fed him 15 minutes on both sides and he’d still want more so I’d go back to the first side again (the lactation consultant told me I shouldn’t allow him more than that during any one feeding). We did have some minor issues with him latching on to my left side but he seemed to figure that out without too much trouble. Naively, I thought that would be the extent of my breastfeeding issues.

By the end of the first full day, my nipples were tender. I knew that a properly latched-on baby shouldn’t hurt but it was unclear exactly how much discomfort I should feel. By the end of the second day, my nipples were bleeding. This seemed sub-optimal but all the nurses assured me that the latching looked great so there didn’t seem to be a reason for my nipples to be so uncomfortable. However, Saturday night, they weighed Calvin and he had lost 14 oz of his birth weight. It is normal for babies to lose up to 10% of their birth weight. However, the nurses were concerned about how fast he had lost weight. They barely managed to convince us that he needed to be supplemented with formula. We were very unhappy with this but I wasn’t comfortable ignoring medical advice so we went ahead and started finger feeding. After breastfeeding each time, Jaeger or I would then finger feed Calvin additional formula. Calvin accepted the finger feeding fairly easily but I felt incredibly guilty every time I fed him this way.

All things considered, I felt very good after the cesarean so we went home on Sunday. Sunday night was a nightmare. I think I had become engrorged and Calvin couldn’t latch on. I tried manually pumping and taking hot showers but I didn’t seem to get anything so my breasts wouldn’t soften. It wasn’t that it was painful for me, it was that poor Calvin was starving and wouldn’t go to sleep. I think I got about 2 hrs of sleep that night when Jaeger woke up and finger fed him for a bit. First thing that morning, I called the hospital lactation consultant, R, and we went in to see her. After listening to my problem, she agreed that I was probably engorged and hooked me up to her hospital grade pump. She also evaluated Calvin’s suck and determined the reason my nipples were so sore was that in addition to sucking, he was also chewing. Unfortunately, Calvin had lost another ounce and was down from his birth weight of 8 lbs 15 oz to 8 lbs even. The lactation consultant said that we needed to get his birth weight up as soon as possible and we needed to stop finger feeding him and start bottle feeding him. R also suggested that we should let my nipples heal up before trying to breastfeed again. She rented me a hospital grade pump, suggested some herbal supplements to boost my milk supply, and we went back home.

It was a huge relief to figure out what the problem was. I was almost completely incoherent with lack of sleep and frustration. Monday night was completely blissful. I had to get up to pump but even then, I got substantially more sleep that night. After that day, we settled into a routine of me pumping every 2 hrs during the day and every 3-4 hrs at night. Jaeger had the week off so he fed Calvin most of his night feedings. Neither of us were getting huge amounts of sleep but we both were sleeping.

Several days later, my nipples had healed. I tried breastfeeding Calvin again but it was still painful. In addition, my milk had allegedly “come in” by this point but my milk supply was much lower than the lactation consultant wanted. As a result, I was only able to provide about half of the milk Calvin needed and had to continue supplementing the other half with formula. However, now that we were feeding him, Calvin steadily started gaining weight.

R would check up on us every other day and suggest some other way to boost my milk supply. Even though I’m not always a huge fan of supplements, I was pretty desperate so I started taking More Milk Plus, alfalfa tablets, soy lecithin, and brewer’s yeast (I did clear all of these with my doctor). My milk supply didn’t substantially increase but Calvin’s appetite did. I started taking 3-4 oz a feeding so the percentage of breast milk he got continued decreasing. I continued faithfully pumping every 2 hrs (this is two hrs from start to start so I really have about 1 ½ hrs in between pumping). I read all the books I could about low milk supply issues and almost all of them said the best way to boost milk supply was to breastfeed more. However, I still couldn’t handle breastfeeding for more than 5 minutes a couple of times a day. In addition, these books all seemed to claim that if I truly had a good latch, it shouldn’t hurt. I couldn’t find much information about infant’s chewing or how to go about correcting that.

Initially, learning that Calvin had a chewing problem was a huge relief. Having a problem meant that a solution might be possible. However, since a solution didn’t readily appear, the pumping and feeding routine started to become overwhelming. About a week after Calvin was born, my mother arrived to help out and Jaeger went back to work. I started doing both my nighttime pumping as well as feeding Calvin so Jaeger could sleep enough to go to work. Each morning after mom got up, I’d hand Calvin off to her and get a couple of hours of uninterrupted sleep before reappearing for the day. The pumping/feeding situation was sustainable but just barely and only if I didn’t need to do anything else. Many of the books I read indicated that Calvin might spontaneously outgrow his chewing habit sometime between 4-6 weeks so I started hoping the problem would eventually magically go away.

A week ago last Friday, I started Reglan. One of the off-label uses of the drug is to increase lactation though it can have pretty severe side affects for some women. I’ve been lucky and haven’t noticed anything. Last Tuesday, I went to a local La Leche League meeting. I almost didn’t go because I was exhausted but Jaeger convinced me that it would be a good idea. It was a good idea. I got a chance to talk to other breastfeeding moms as well as the leaders who all had a lot of experience breastfeeding. One of the leaders found several books that suggested various pumping techniques (many of the books I had found only considered pumping a “last resort” and so didn’t discuss pumping technique). I read through those books and got several more hints of things to try. Previously, I had bought a breastfeeding bra from Walmart and cut it up so I could insert the breast pump flanges and not have to hold them the entire time I pumped. Among other things, this allowed me to use massage to express more milk than pumping alone. Most of the books I read emphasized the importance of breast massage so I doubled my efforts in that area.

Under the impression that more opinions on our breastfeeding situation couldn’t hurt, Jaeger called to schedule an appointment with another lactation consultant. We met with E last night. She performed another evaluation of Calvin and believes that if we could get my milk supply up, his sucking problem may correct itself. She believes that he’s pretty much outgrown the “chewing” problem but has become lazy and is now sucking improperly due to bottle feeding which is continuing to hurt my nipples. She suggested we could try SNS feeding with the tube attached to my breast. However, other than that, most of her suggestions were aimed at increasing my milk supply. She said that in principle, I’m doing everything right but she did suggest some websites to read as well as some other pumping techniques to try.

Today, I’m trying Power Pumping which is one of the techniques the lactation consultant suggested. It involves pumping for 10 minutes, resting for 10 minutes, and then repeating. It sounds like many mothers will try power pumping for an hour each day and then go back to their normal pumping schedule. Supposedly, this might trick your body into thinking you have a very hungry baby. Currently, I’m trying the “boot camp” version of this which involves power pumping for an entire day. I don’t know if it’ll work but it seems worth a shot.

I’m hoping we manage to figure out these breastfeeding issues eventually. I have no idea how mothers managed to breastfeed back in the era when it was actively discouraged. (I have heard from several older mothers who indicated they wanted to breastfeed but didn’t have enough support and gave up. So, maybe it’s only those that had a relatively easy time that persevered.) Without the support of Jaeger and all the other resources available I would have given up long ago.